


Almost Dawn

by leavinghope



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Captain America Sam Wilson, Friendship, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29553129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavinghope/pseuds/leavinghope
Summary: Sam Wilson shares discussions and decisions in the middle of the night.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Sam Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Almost Dawn

It wasn’t quite home, but Sam Wilson breathed a sigh of relief as his feet touched down at the New Avengers Compound. It would have been quicker to take a Quinjet, but Sam had wanted the peace of flying through the nighttime sky to help him shake the tension of the last mission and the prolonged debriefing in DC. Working for the resurrected SHIELD was draining, both physically and mentally, as Sam felt compelled to second-guess the motives of the people in suits. The towns and forests and traffic and birds and ordinary lives beneath him salved the wounds to his soul inflicted upon him by the violence of each mission. Swooping and soaring without fear is something he would never take for granted, and his heart felt lighter as he folded his wings and walked inside.

After a quick shower, he changed into soft sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. It was the middle of the night, and all he wanted was to fall into bed. However, he knew he would be in for a drastic blood sugar crash if he didn’t have some sort of snack before turning in. All of the Avengers and their affiliates had quarters at the Compound, so he wasn’t surprisedsomebody else was awake when he walked into the communal kitchen, but he wasnot expecting the voice that greeted him.

“Hey, Wilson.”

Bucky Barnes was in the adjacentcommon area. He was sitting in the dark, clasping a mug, curled up in the corner of a sofa.

“There’s some hot cocoa leftover if you want some. Can’t seem to get out of the habit of making enough for two.”

“Thanks, Barnes.”

Sam spotted the kettle on the stove. _Honest-to-god homemade hot chocolate._ He dipped a ladle into the creamy mixture and poured it into a mug, then grabbed a few cookies from the always full jar. The kitchen was illuminated only by the light above the stove, and from the way Bucky was hunched over on himself, Sam decided to not turn on any other lights as he entered the room.

The lighting was enough for Sam to discern a repeating print ofCaptain America’s shield adorning Bucky’s pajama pants. His snort of laughter drew Bucky’s attention. He toyed with the fabric and said, “These were Shuri’s idea of a joke. She gave them to me to keep me company between his visits to Wakanda.”

That made multiple references to Steve Rogers tonight, which implied it was thoughts of Steve keeping Bucky awake. But they didn’t talk about Steve. It wasn’t a deliberate decision either of them had made, but rather a pattern they’d fallen into, but never addressed directly. To be honest, Sam wasn’t sure if he was ready for that to change. It was less than a year since Steve handed him the shield, since so many people reacted poorly to that decision. Since Steve didn’t stick around to help his team, his friends, deal with the aftermath of five years torn asunder. Sam broke a piece of shortbread and dipped it into the cocoa, hoping it would calm the lingering queasiness he felt when thinking about Steve.

One taste, and Sam immediately felt better. “Mmm… this is good. Thanks.”

Bucky sipped his own cocoa, and then he held the mug to his cheek. Sam noticedBucky was shivering. There was a decorative throw blanket draped over the arm of his chair, so he grabbed it and stood to place it around Bucky’s shoulders. But before he could do so, Bucky flinched away.

Sam stilled. “My mistake, man.”

“Sorry about that.” Bucky grimaced self-effacingly. “Nightmare.”

“Nothing to apologize for. Been there myself.” Sam held out the blanket. “You look cold.”

Bucky ducked his head in thanks as he accepted the blanket and wrapped it around himself. “I’m always cold. I find it difficult to warm up anymore, especially after bad dreams.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Bucky nestled deeper into the blanket. “Wasn’t such a problem in Wakanda.” He stopped there, a combination of confusion and sadness in his eyes.

Sam reeled Bucky back in before he could drift too far away. “So, what was different in Wakanda?”

“The technology allowed the air temperature in my home to be responsive to my body temperature. Which worked great when I was alone. When Steve was there, well… he kept me warm.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, the question unasked, but obvious.

Bucky ignored the insinuation. “We used to bunk together to keep him warm when we were kids. Sometimes in the war, too. Just seemed natural to us, even now. Or then, I guess.”

“What are you using to cope here?”

“A body pillow. Weighted blankets.” He lifted his mug to his mouth. “Lots of hot cocoa.”

“Those sound good, but they don’t replace being little spoon, though, right?”

Bucky scoffed, as if insulted. “Stevie was always the little spoon.” But as fast as his lighter mood appeared, it disappeared once again. Sam grew even more concerned.

“Look, I’m not your therapist, but I am your teammate and, I hope, your friend. You keep drifting away tonight.” Sam leaned forward, elbows on knees. “What’s going on?”

Bucky set his mug down on the coffee table and started to wring his hands together. When the motion drew Sam’s gaze, Bucky instead drew the blanket up to his chin, almost childlike. “I remember Steve.”

Sam waited silently for Bucky to continue.

“I remember him in Brooklyn, in Europe, in Wakanda… I remember him with his mother, Sarah. I remember Steve having dinner with me and my family. I remember our friendship and devotion. I remember being too ashamed to let him find me, but I knew he’d never stop looking. I remember loving him, with my whole heart. I remember all of that.”

Sam watched several emotions play across Bucky’s face.

“But the version of Steve in my head, he wouldn’t have been able to leave us for over seventy years, you know?”

Sam felt his own sadness well up in him, matching Bucky’s own.

“If he could do that, uh, it makes me question my memories.” Bucky paused, looking embarrassed, before he said, “And the new therapist isn’t helping.”

“New therapist?” Sam knew Bucky had undertaken a rigorous therapy regimen in Wakanda as part of his recovery there, but did not know he had resumed seeing one after they Returned.

“Part of the agreement to keep me out of a cell. I have to see a SHIELD-appointed therapist every week. She says maybe the treatment in Wakanda didn’t work, and my memories of Steve were implanted by Hydra.”

“What the fuck?”

Bucky startled at the anger in Sam’s voice, but Sam could not hide his fury over such professional malpractice. He drew a calming breath and then said, “Your memories of Steve line up with mine. Not the specifics, of course, but what you meant to him. The stories he told me about you, both of you.”

“But you didn’t know I was in Wakanda. Maybe he wasn’t either.”

Sam pointed at Bucky’s pajamas. “You said Shuri gave you those. So, she must have known, right?”

Bucky nodded, his mouth trembling as he held back tears.

“I could call her right now to verify…”

“I already have.” Bucky cut him off. “More than once over the past few months.”

“And?”

“She said Steve visited me in Wakanda five times. And he contacted her frequently while I was in the cryochamber, to check on me.” Bucky’s fondness for the young woman was apparent as he said, “She’s been really kind to me.”

Sam was glad Bucky had Shuri on his side. “See? Your memories are fine.”

“Maybe those are. But only Steve could confirm all of them for sure, and he’s gone.” A few tears flowed silently down Bucky’s face. He repeated, whispering. “He’s gone.”

Sam wanted to comfort Bucky, but he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t bring Steve back, and he could not share his memories. But he did have one concrete suggestion.

“We should get you another therapist.”

“SHIELD has the right to appoint my therapist.” Bucky scrubbed the tears from his face. “When I’m at my lowest, I think they’re doing it on purpose. She makes me talk about the impact of Steve’s decision on my life, my feelings. And when I say how much we cared about each other, she tells me it can’t possibly be true. It’s like SHIELD wants me to lose my mind. They even make me call myself the Winter Soldier. So I won’t forget what I have done. So nobody forgets.” Bucky’s voice cut off with a sob.

That was like another blow to Sam’s gut. “Wait, I thought you chose to reclaim the title.”

“It’s like fucking torture every time I hear that name.”

Sam was reeling. He’d thought Bucky had been pardoned. That’d he’d wanted to fight with the team. That the doctors had cleared him for duty. Instead, Bucky sat haunted in the middle of the night in a building Sam was beginning to fear was his cage.

“I don’t know how you’re holding together.”

“My life has been a nightmare since 1943.” Bucky shivered more and clutched the blanket more snugly around him. “Sorry. This mood can be hard to shake after a one of these dreams.”

“No apologies necessary. Sounds to me like you’re handling it, all things considered.”

Bucky managed a slight smile. “Thank you.”

In an attempt to lighten the mood, Sam gestured to the blanket. “You know, Steve told me he used to be cold all the time before the serum. Said it turned him into a radiator.”

“He used to become a block of ice every winter. I was so worried he’d freeze to death when I shipped out.” One corner of Bucky’s mouth tilted upward in a rueful smile. “Serum took care of that.”

“Guess your knockoff brand didn’t do it for you.” Sam joked.

Bucky didn’t respond, and there was something about Bucky’s silence made Sam uneasy. “Barnes?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me.”

Bucky sighed and could not look at Sam. “Getting rid of the triggers in my head was complicated. Shuri said the serum was making the neural pathways repair too quickly. And Wakandans have developed the technology to un-power a person. So, to get rid of the triggers, we also got rid of the serum in my bloodstream. I still have a lot of my strength, but the healing factor, not so much.”

Sam could not believe what he was hearing. “You fought Thanos and his army without…”

“Yes.”

“And the missions we’ve conducted since then, you haven’t been a super soldier on all those missions?”

Bucky’s voice was flat as he responded, “Same as you.”

That didn’t sit well with Sam. “No, not same as me. Because you still take risks as if you did have the serum.”

“I know you care, Wilson, and I’m grateful for it, but taking those risks is one of the few things I honestly have control over.”

Bucky’s eyes were pleading with Sam to understand. And, to a certain extent, he did. But Sam could not help but feel guilty.

“I don’t want to be known as the man who let Bucky Barnes die.”

“You aren’t, Wilson.”

They both realized his slip at the same time.

“I mean…“ Bucky hesitated, obviously searching for his next words. “This is my life now.” After he gestured at the facility around them, he wrapped his arms around his midsection. The pose highlighted his loneliness, his sadness, his vulnerability.Sam thought of Bucky’s struggle to keep warm and the hot cocoa made for the appetites of two super soldiers, and he felt an overwhelming need to help Bucky

Because after Bucky had wildly searched for Steve in the empty clearing in Wakanda, he sought out Sam. He had stood by Sam’s side when people wanted to take the shield away and had taught Sam how to wield it once it was incontrovertibly his. And sure, they aggravated each other in the way that brothers-in-arms and brothers often did, but Bucky had been a true supporter the past year. It was Sam’s turn now. Sam couldn’t bring Steve back, but there were actions he could take to improve Bucky’s situation.

Before Sam could pursue the subject, James Rhodes entered the room, resplendent in his full military dress uniform. He halted when he noticed Sam and Bucky. “Didn’t expect there to be a party at this time of night.”

“Hey, Rhodey.” Sam waved. “I just got in a little while ago myself. Thought you were arriving tomorrow?”

“I could not handle DC one more minute.” He loosened his necktie. “You don’t mind if break protocol, do you?”

“My uniform has wings and a target, so…”

Rhodey laughed as he unbuttoned his jacket and draped it over the back of a chair.

Bucky managed a small smile as he grabbed his mug and stood up. “I think I’ll try to get some sleep now.”

Sam hoped Bucky would finally get some rest. “Sounds like a good idea.”

As he passed by, Bucky placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Sam reached up to squeeze Bucky’s hand and was pleased to see some of Bucky’s tension fade away at his touch. “Any time.”

As Bucky passed by Rhodey, he inclined his head respectfully. “Sir.”

Rhodey responded with a subdued, “Sleep well, Barnes.”

Sam suppressed a laugh when Rhodey did a double take at Bucky’s sleepwear. Instead, he said, “There is still some hot cocoa on the stove.”

Rhodey quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

Sam took the opportunity to lean back in the chair and close his eyes. The Compound was quiet, almost too quiet for Sam. He didn’t even know how many team members were on site at the moment because he hadn’t glanced at the on-call roster. Instead, he relished the simple joy of having friends near, comfortable with Bucky resting down the hall and with the homey sounds of Rhodey puttering around the kitchen.

He opened his eyes when Rhodey sat down with a contented sigh.

“DC must have been rough for you to be this happy to be here.”

“Like being here is so bad,” Rhodey joked, before taking on a more serious tone. “Certainly better than dealing with fallout from the Accords.”

Sam wasn’t normally quick to anger, but the mere mention of the Accords never failed to rile him up. “What the hell are they going on about now?”

“Actually, we made some headway today.” Rhodey gave a hard earned, bitter smile. “Sharon Carter can come in from the cold.”

“Fucking finally.” Sam recalled a distressed message after Sharon had Returned, contacting him because Steve wasn’t responding to her attempts. He had to explain what had occurred and help her through her pain from afar, as she was still a wanted woman because of the sacrifices she had made for Steve. And because certain officials insisted upon clinging to the Accords over using their common sense. “Five years gone from the whole universe, and some people still can’t see the need for rapid response to a threat. **”**

“You think they would have learned from their first action being to send us after the victim of a setup.” Rhodey’s voice was full of remorse for the part he had played in it.

“I suspect a lot of people supposedly on our side wouldn’t have minded if they’d succeeded in getting us to take care of that particular problem for them.”

“Hmm…” Rhodey glanced warily down the hall before he said, “We haven’t done much to earn their trust, though.”

Sam began to defend Bucky, but Rhodey quickly explained, “No, not Barnes. But look at the rest. Barton went on a straight-up murder spree. Thor just up and left, with Asgardians residing here on Earth. Rogers used the same godlike power of the Stones as Thanos for his own personal desires. Jesus, Tony died, but left behind what amounts to Project Insight Redux. I’m kinda fighting an uphill battle in DC.”

Sam rubbed his hands over his face. “How bad is it, really?”

“The Joint Chiefs are a tossup on any given day. The Intelligence Committees know we’ve lost our best spies, and they aren’t really interested in our brawn. The alphabet agencies are demanding we follow their orders, and the President thinks he calls our shots. Fury is in the wind. Ross the Elder will always be a problem.” Rhodey exhaled deeply. “We got Ross the Younger on our side, though. He’s been the liaison for the alphabet agencies.” 

“Oh, good. One agent.” Sam couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

“Better than none.” Rhodey countered, and then he sighed. “In all seriousness, the way the team behaved, we’re lucky to have any allies, any autonomy at all. In truth, we’re lucky to have Pepper and Stark Industries bankrolling our tech. I’m not sure anyone else would support us right now.”

Sam had known things were bad, but how much silent fighting Rhodey had been doing on their behalf shocked him nonetheless. “So, that’s it? We’re going to have layers of oversight, holding us back from what needs to be done, just so we can exist?” Sam could foresee every single negative possible outcome.

“I think we’re going to have to settle for some oversight, but we need to be smart and diplomatic to get it structured to work for us.” Rhodey assured him. “This isn’t a battle we’re gonna win with our fists, but we will win.”

Sam took a calming breath. “I’ll drink to that.” He leaned over to clink his mug against Rhodey’s.

“Damn, this is real hot chocolate.” Rhodey took another taste. “I cannot remember the last time I had hot chocolate that wasn’t water and a mix full of compounds pretending to be milk. Thanks, Sam.”

“Don’t thank me.”

“Barnes?” Rhodey arched a single eyebrow. “Huh. This happen often?”

Sam knew he’d understand as he tilted his head in the direction of Bucky’s departure. “Bad dream.”

Rhodey shook his head. “I cannot imagine his nightmares.”

Sam knew he and Rhodey had plenty of nightmares of their own, so he understood Rhodey’s comment to be a sympathetic one, not judgmental. He also couldn’t shake his gut instinct that SHIELD had hostile intentions with respect to Bucky.Sam took this as an opportunity to broach his plan to help. “I want to take Barnes out of the field.”

“Any particular reason?”The _Do you trust him?_ went unspoken.

“He’s been a soldier for eighty years. He’s seen enough violence.”

“Can’t argue with that.” After a few moment’s consideration, Rhodey nodded. “So, what are you thinking?”

Sam breathed out a sigh of relief because Rhodey hadn’t dismissed the idea out of hand. “He’s been great with Maximoff, especially after what she’s been through **.** He has a decent relationship with Lang and Van Dyne, from what I can tell when they’re around. Maybe he could help us with new recruits? We all know we need more team members.”

“Heard he works well with Parker, too.” Rhodey added with a sly grin, “Pepper keeps me filled in.”

“She’s right, as usual. When he’s around, Parker follows Barnes around like a puppy dog.”

Rhodey eyes sparkled, obviously amused by that image. “How is Barnes on coms?”

“Quick and succinct.”

“Ops?”

Sam chewed his bottom lip while all the times Bucky chastised his recklessness played in his mind. “A keen grasp of the situation in the field.”

“Good at strategy?”

“I’d let him plan any mission.”

“Collegiality?”

Sam thought of all the bickering and the teasing and the frustration. “Prickly, but professional.”

“I see.” Rhodey fought a grin before taking a long drink. “Seems fine at provisions.”

Sam smiled. “Yes, sir.”

After a moment of shared laughter, Rhodey appeared thoughtful. “But why now? Is he struggling in the field?”

“No, but…” Sam didn’t want to betray the confidences Bucky shared with him earlier, and he certainly didn’t want to tip his hand about his suspicions with regards to the therapist, so he decided to be non-specific. “He wants to atone for his past, but he doesn’t need to function as a weapon to do so.” A hint of regret crept into Sam’s voice. “And unfortunately, violence tends to be our most common mode of operation.”

“I thought he agreed to be an active member of the team.”

“I’m not sure _agree_ is the correct term.” Sam prevaricated.

Rhodey shot Sam a sharp look, silently demanding an explanation.

Sam slumped against the sofa cushions. He believed this part shouldn’t be kept a secret from other members of the team, but he also hated to state the fact. “It’s a condition of his freedom.”

Rhodey fidgeted in his seat, betraying his discomfort. “But he agreed to the condition, right?”

“Yeah, but…He has to work for us, and we’re sending him into the field as a weapon. How does that make us any better than his …“ Sam waved his hands before finishing, “…before?”

“Hmm…” Rhodey toyed with his now empty mug. “After he found out what happened with his parents and what went down between him and Rogers in Siberia, Tony was in a lot of pain. And I had a hard time with Barnes, you know?”

Sam ached with sympathy at the grief in Rhodey’s voice when speaking of Tony, echoes of losing Riley resonating within him.

“And I’m probably still going to find it rough going with him here, but I keep thinking…” Rhodey looked directly at Sam. “You and me, when we served, we trusted people wouldn’t leave us behind. Hell, you should have seen what we did to get Tony back when he was kidnapped.” Rhodey shook his head in disgust. “We left Barnes behind, for decades, and he makes hot chocolate and wears Captain America PJs.”

“Yeah.” Sam had experienced the same emotional whiplash himself.

Rhodey placed his mug on the end table with a definitive thump. “I agree. Let’s keep him home. He’s been used as a weapon long enough.”

“You’ll think they’ll let us?”

“I think they need to confront folks with what SHIELD allowed to happen to Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.”

“He prefers Mr. Barnes or plain Barnes.”

“Then we’ll call him that, but not in front of the brass. To them, he’s Sergeant Barnes. They need to own what they did.”

Sam was overcome by a wave of emotion, which did not escape Rhodey’s keen gaze. He reached out to clasp Sam’s knee. “I have your back, Sam. I can handle Ross or anyone else. I trust your judgment on Barnes. I’ll make them trust it, too.”

“Thanks, man. I really appreciate it.”

“I know you’ve had to deal with a lot, with how Steve delegated the shield to you. But you’re doing great, Sam. Truly.”

Sam hadn’t realized until that moment how much he’d wanted Rhodey’s approval. Without Steve, without Natasha, he’d felt disconnected **.** It satisfied a craving he hadn’t known he had to check his instincts against someone whose opinion he valued. He did not even attempt to hide the smile Rhodey’s opinion brought to his face.

“Alright, you handle Ross and the others, and I’ll inform Barnes he has options for his new responsibilities.”

“You think he’ll be happy about it?” Rhodey sounded genuinely curious.

The word _happy_ probably would not be applied to Bucky anytime soon. But maybe he could be someday. Sam responded, “I think he’ll be relieved.”

“How about you?”

“Hmm?”

“How does this decision make you feel?” The expression on Rhodey’s face was kind and encouraging, like that of the good mentor he could be for Sam.

Sam spent a moment giving the question the deliberation it deserved. Being in the position to improve the circumstances of a colleague, to honor his friendship with Steve by keeping Bucky safe, to bring comfort to the mind of his troubled friend. He remembered the softly illuminated homes and the people dreaming as he flew home above them tonight. Dawn would break upon a world he shielded from harm. Making changes for the well-being of the team, making the world more secure. He could do that now.

“Feels good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just had to post one more Sam and Bucky friendship fic before TFATWS. Thank you for reading!


End file.
